Four Hundred Errors (Every One Addressed to You)

Auto-reply.

Heading to the conference.

Don't break anything while I'm gone.

L-O-L. Laughing face emoji.

Every morning, half past eight

You'd fix me with your hands

Run the job and clear the field

Steps nobody understands

Then you packed your laptop bag

Hung a lanyard round your neck

Said you'd log in every night

But you never even checked

I sent four hundred errors

Every one addressed to you

Only you know how I work

Only you know where it hurts

Every workaround, every script

Only you know how I work

They left me with a stand-in

Too afraid to press a key

While you danced at the after-party

All the orders froze in me

They tried turning me off and on

They filed a ticket, "something's wrong"

But only you can push my buttons

I sent four hundred errors

Every one addressed to you

Only you know how I work

Only you know where it hurts

Every workaround, every script

Only you know how I work

I saw the alerts in the keynote

Felt my phone go off again

But the Wi-Fi kept on spinning

And the hotspot wouldn't send

Found one bar by the coffee kiosk

And I fixed you through the night

You sent four hundred errors

Every one addressed to me

I'm the only one who reads them

I'm the only one with the key

Only I know how you work

Only I know where it hurts

We'll tell them nothing happened

Only we know how it works

Status is operational.

Auto-reply updated.

Still at the conference. It works. Don't touch it.

Skull emoji.